The softball that wasn’t Pt. 2 A septic calamity

Timeline: 3 days after departure

At first glance into the porcelain bowl of mystery, you would think everything was normal but you have not understood real fear until you experience a clogged toilet and watch in sheer horror as the water slowly rises with your anxiety inching closer to the edge. In a race against time, I sprang into action and turned the water valve off. The water stopped a mere millimeter from spilling over and I backed away carefully because I was pretty sure the slightest vibration would cause a typhoon. Once I felt that I was at a safe distance away I carefully closed the door as if not to disturb a sleeping beast. Standing at the closed door I took a deep breath of fresh air to collect myself to wait out the storm. Nothing I could do at this point. As the elder Rose from Titanic described, “- people in the boats had nothing to do but wait. Wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that would never come.”

I decided right then and there I was going to be proactive instead of reactive. Anticipating my kiddos having the short term memory capacity of a Gold Fish; I made a sign to stick on the bathroom door at their eye level in big red marker, “Do NOT Enter! Not even to wash your hands!” This of course was wishful thinking. The next morning I went downstairs to check the progress of the receding water only to find another brown package was delivered. Frustrated and determined not be defeated by a shitty situation, I marched out to the garage. There had to be something I could use to break this down. White vinegar! My thought being, if this acidic liquid can break down a chicken egg surely it will do the same for this dinosaur egg too. Like a cliff jumper, I took deep breath before diving into the abyss of my bathroom. I cautiously poured a splash of vinegar into the bowl and waited almost expecting this to turn into a failed chemistry experiment. When nothing happened I shrugged and dumped the rest of the half gallon of vinegar into the bowl…… so now we wait once more…